Free will & surrendering to God

My mind wrestles with understanding free will while also living a life of complete surrender to God. I am ok with giving certain parts of my life to God, but there are other parts that I do not want to submit to him at all. Parts I want full control over. That is what makes complete surrender so hard. In hindsight, I see how most of my Christian life has been filled with me fighting to be the supreme ruler of my life and only running to God when things fall apart.

It is beautiful how an All-Powerful God can give us life and free will. We can choose how we walk through the maze of experiences that unfold the revelation of His truth. Life is a gift, and like most gifts, we get to choose how we unwrap it and use it. That is free will.

A guide to living free in surrender

Imagine you get a gift with an instruction manual on how to use it correctly so that it lasts as long as it should while serving you purposefully. In the excitement and premature haste, you briefly read the instructions and then decide to use the gift however you see fit.

When the gift gets damaged, you return to the manual. You rush through it and feel it is not enough because you do not understand it correctly, so you become panicky. You decide to call the manufacturer directly so that he can give you a quick solution. This is way better than (slowly) reading through the manual because he will tell you exactly where to look for the correct answer to your problem. You dive into the complaints about the gift and how it is not functioning as you want it to. He says, “The manual has everything you need. Every step is written there. The manual includes all the steps needed to rectify any damages.”

This gift feels more like a curse than anything else right now. Throwing it away is starting to look better than keeping it. It causes you more grief than joy. Eventually, you decide to take your time to read the instructions carefully so that you can repair the gift accordingly. Then you proceed with using it the right way. It empowers you to do the work of finding out the information for yourself.

Your life is a gift that you received freely. God’s Word is the manual. How often have we rushed to Him for a quick fix while skipping His Word?

No quick fixes

Are you familiar with that moment when “life” has mistaken you for a lemon, so it squeezes you ruthlessly? Then you remember some of the verses that comfort you, but that’s not enough, so let’s dial Heaven to try to talk to God. As the dial starts ringing, you anxiously hope that God won’t mind that you are only calling to get a quick fix. You both know you are not reaching out of longing to connect with Him. You just want your “miracle moment.” We are skilled at justifying our inaction in faith practices which help maintain a good relationship with our Father.

You pray, but the silence is deafening. In that short period of waiting, you mentally recite the feel-good bible verses to keep your stringy faith intact so that it doesn’t snap. You use God’s Word to help you be patient with Him while you hope your once-off prayer applies enough pressure to make Him move how you want Him to.

Living biblically free

In my early born-again years, I lived more freely in accordance with my flesh than I lived freely in accordance with the Word of God – a manual that satisfies my soul. I remember that I would get nudges. That convicting feeling right in the middle of my chest. I chose to ignore it completely. I lived in that cloudy denial space where, as long as I have accepted that Jesus Christ is Lord and go to church (most Sundays), all is well. I do volunteer work, so I think I might be counted among the good humans. God can have those things, but the rest is mine. I understood being a believer who lived in freedom this way. I was an immature Christian, still feeding on milk.

My perspective on biblical freedom was skewed and biased toward my flesh. We are good at justifying ourselves, especially when we are at fault. As I grew in the faith, my flesh wared against my spirit, trying to hold on to worldly freedom.

The only times I had spoken of surrendering my life to God was in song. You are at church during praise and worship, so you sing. You don’t mean the words that come out of your mouth. God sees the heart and the mind first. He saw my double-minded heart [Matt v 6:21].

I could not find true fulfilment in my Christian life. Frankly, I could not find fulfilment in God because I was not living in complete surrender to His authority over my life. As a result, my soul was not satisfied, and fleshly desires were fulfilled in short. Worldly freedom is a bottomless pit. It doesn’t matter how much you surrender to it; it only wants more and depletes you entirely.

On the other hand, I discovered that biblical freedom is more like consuming a bottomless drink – one that fills me up consistently. It satisfies my soul. Most times, it re-energizes my flesh. As a result, I am more likely to choose what is right when approaching life happenings while filled with Life Himself, even when my flesh does not feel like it.

The complete surrender did not come easy. I still have my little bratty moments when I lean on my own understanding and try to eject Jesus from His rightful spot on the throne of my heart. But, then, I come back and surrender to His correction. It’s not always fun for my flesh, but my soul receives the greatest satisfaction. That is what matters.

Freely surrendered

The turning point in my life was understanding that complete surrender and living freely in Christ had more to do with growing closer to God than life going smoothly.

Yes, this biblical freedom has restrictions for the flesh. It is not always fun or comfortable, but the result of submission to this freedom God gifts us is a fuller and more meaningful life. He has given you a choice.

I hope you choose wisely.

Written by Dineo Phadimenyane.

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